Me: Mimi has swimming today at 5:30.
Jon: If you have work to do I’ll take her.
Me: Wow. Thanks. That would be a big help.
Jon: Sure, I’ll finish work by 5 and… wait, is she swimming in the big pool or the little pool now? What about dinner? Can you fix a snack for her to eat before her lesson? Can she eat before swimming? Is her stuff packed? What does she take to swimming? Where do you keep her swimsuit? Do you know if she has anything at school to bring home? Do I have to bring extra clothes for after swimming? What about her hair? Is she still putting it up for swim? Where’s that stuff you put in her ears before she swims? Have you washed the swim towels yet? Where are they?
Me: You know what? I’ll take her.
Jon: I don’t get it.
Me: Trust me.
Me: Finally… we may have had a day with no potty-training accidents! She is still wearing her bloomers from this morning. One weird thing, though — she has on the bloomers, but not her panties. Strange.
Jon: Not as strange as when I picked her up earlier. She had on two pairs of underwear.
Me: Huh?
Jon: Two. Double. Underwear. Like layering, but with panties. Anyway, I took one off.
Me: Wait a minute. That wasn’t two panties. That was one panties and a bloomers.
Jon: Huh? They’re the same thing.
Me: No, they’re panties and bloomers. The plain white thing is called ‘bloomers,’ and she wears them over her panties when she wears a dress so… so her panties aren’t hanging out.
Jon: Why would you put her in two layers of panties?
Me: I didn’t. One’s a bloomers.
Jon: Same thing.
Me: No … panties are … panties. Bloomers are … for modesty.
Jon: Must be another Southern thing.
Me: So? You always say ‘Southern thing’ like it’s bad.
Jon: It’s redundant. They look just alike.
Me: They don’t. The panties have Disney Princesses on them. The bloomers are plain white.
Jon: Why didn’t you put her in bloomers yesterday?
Me: She wore pants yesterday. Bloomers are for dresses. That’s the whole point.
Jon: So… one panties for pants; two panties for dresses?
Me: Aaaarrrgh.
